Happy Tuesday lovelies!
How is your day treating you thus far?
I convinced myself to go out this weekend and could not be happier. It was my friends birthday, and I clearly did not get the memo that it was a pink party. So I had to represent the pink lei out in the bar. Doesn’t it just look so glamorous with my bright blue dress. I felt a little silly, but whatever it was a great time! I also tried out a recipe for cucumber and strawberry infused vodka that I did not picture, so I will be making another batch this week so I can give you guys some pictures of it It rocks.
I had a lovely Saturday night, which was a nice change up. I admit, I had been isolating myself. After I fractured my rib and then bruising my tailbone right after. I allowed those as excuses to not make time for my friends. Not okay. Around this time, I also became more obsessive in my calorie/exercise regime, and also was feeling rather depressed about some things going on in my life right now. These are the times when I need my friends and family the most and can not isolate myself from them, like I did in the past.
The next day, I awoke with a slight hangover…oopsy. So I took my time getting up and enjoyed a cup of tea, then enjoyed my overnight oat bran.
*oat bran, egg whites, chia seeds, pumpkin, after doused in cinnamon and raw almond butter*
When I was in the depth of my eating disorder, I spent all day by myself, just wanting to hide from life.I had dreams of what I would be, what I wanted to do. But, I lacked the motivation and energy to get myself out of the house. I would literally use any excuse to not leave the house. From the weather to my hair, I used anything to avoid people. As a result, I ended up isolating myself and made it hard to keep friends around in my life. I am very lucky that some of my friends stuck around, even though I was honestly the worst friend ever during this time. I was not willing to make much of an effort at all when it came to that part of my life, I was just so consumed in my eating disorder.
Enough is enough though, life doesn’t bring you opportunities when you are just waiting around for something to present itself. It is such a great feeling (sometimes) to put yourself out there and not isolate from the world. Just to leave the house feels like a relief. Doing anything at all to not be at home, whether that be going to the grocery store, meeting friends or family, or grabbing a coffee. I lived in fear that people would judge everything about me when I went out in public, but truthfully I doubt people even notice all the “flaws” I see in myself. It was definitely uncomfortable at first and caused me a lot of anxiety.
*My bedtime snack was awesome, it was my protein pumpkin pudding, but I added in 1 tablespoon of protein powder, instead of 1/2 a tablespoon. It gets so thick from the protein powder and coconut flour. And just tastes so good. Perfect for me.*
That’s how you get over unrealistic beliefs and behaviours though, just keep on doing them until they become easy to do. And when I do them enough, the anxiety feeling basically goes away for good. However, I need to find more healthy behaviours to relieve my anxiety instead of relying on exercise and decreasing my food intake to make my anxiety lessen. This is harmful in the long-term. I have found that the best ways are to communicate with friends and family about my true feelings on the situation, instead of pretending everything is rainbows and butterflies. Everyone has anxiety about things, and I should not be ashamed about that. Neither should anyone else, it is a normal human feeling. I guess its not so simple to just say you will do something, you have to have the motivation and determination to put yourself out there. Results will come if you keep doing these things, just keep a positive attitude, communicate, and keep trying, no matter how many times you “fail”. We make the best out of life and have success when we challenge ourselves and step out of our comfort zones, that is the only way we can truly change. They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. Yep, this is definitely true for me. I need to change in order to get a better result. Well that’s my little spiel for today.
Hope the rest of your day is great!
Have you ever had to face an anxious situation that you eventually overcame?
How did you deal with it?