Good morning everyone!
It’s that time of week again – what I ate Wednesday
Another day of delicious eats were celebrated over here.
My alarm went off at 5 AM, and boy was I tired. I woke up from such a deep sleep, I contemplated not going to spin class this morning in effort to get a bit more sleep. I eventually decided I might as well get up because it did not look like I’d be getting back to bed after the mental dialogue going on.
Spin ended up being great, so I am glad I went.
8 – Breakfast
I had overnight egg white oat bran, with extra chia seeds, 1/4 cup pumpkin, 1/2 a frozen banana, and I topped it with some cocoa almond butter.
I followed it up with a cup of Starbucks, great way to start the day off right!
Since I worked out this morning, I have to make sure to add extra calories into my day. This is something I was avoiding before, part of me just wanted to stick to how I usually eat, but I know that I need to make some improvements in my nutrition if I want to function normally. The mental dialogue I play over in my mind drives me a little nutty. This eating disorder plays such wild games with my head.
After breakfast, I finished getting ready and headed out to grab some groceries I’d be needing for the rest of the week, and to run a few errands. It was such a beautiful day, I was so excited. I can not wait for summer and the nicer days to come!
By the time I got home I was hungry for lunch.
11:30 – Lunch
I made myself a flax-egg pizza crust (made with ground flaxseed, almond flour, an egg, egg whites, and nutritional yeast), and topped with tomato paste, goat cheese, spinach, and red peppers. And I had an apple on the side.
3 – Snack
greek yogurt mixed with 1 scoop sun warrior vanilla protein powder, and a tablespoon of cashew butter that I mixed in, delicious (I half ate this before picturing, oops)
5 – Dinner
Even though it was really nice and hot outside, that was not enough of an excuse to fire up the oven. I roasted broccoli, asparagus, and cauliflower in 1/2 tablespoon coconut oil, dill, and nutritional yeast. And topped that with more goat cheese (obsessed) and a turkey burger. With a side of tomato paste ketchup (just stevia mixed into tomato paste).
This dinner was a little more “challenging” because I had goat cheese twice in one day, and to my eating disorder, having cheese twice in a day is “bad”. Which is stupid, because it is certainly not bad in the slightest.
While I’m preparing meals, I sometimes can not comprehend my own rational voice between my eating disorder voice. If that statement is even true.
I am not sure which one is actually “me”. If that makes sense to anyone. When I talk to my therapist, I will tell him how I avoid certain foods and follow food/exercise rules because I am afraid I will get fat, and he tells me that is not really me, but the eating disorder telling me this will happen.
I get confused, because how do I decipher the two of them? The eating disorder seems like such a part of me that is not separate, that I can’t tell whether it is really an “eating disorder voice”, or if I have trained my mind to actually think this way.
Do you believe an illness like this can control us in such a huge way that it actually is a separate part of you. Am I really a separate person from this disorder?
8 – Evening Snack
a protein muffin with coconut flour cream and peanut flour paste.
Now I’m off to catch up on some Real Housewives and get to bed!
Recovery takes a lot of determination, hard work, and willingness; it will also have set-backs and I need to learn a set back is not a relapse. I am not a failure because I had a set-back, and I don’t have to go down that dark path any more. Everybody deserves full recovery, including me.
I hope your day was lovely and positive!
What was the best thing you ate today?