Good morning everyone!
It’s that time of week again – what I ate Wednesday
Another day of delicious eats were celebrated over here.
My alarm went off at 5 AM, and boy was I tired. I woke up from such a deep sleep, I contemplated not going to spin class this morning in effort to get a bit more sleep. I eventually decided I might as well get up because it did not look like I’d be getting back to bed after the mental dialogue going on.
Spin ended up being great, so I am glad I went.
8 – Breakfast
I had overnight egg white oat bran, with extra chia seeds, 1/4 cup pumpkin, 1/2 a frozen banana, and I topped it with some cocoa almond butter.
I followed it up with a cup of Starbucks, great way to start the day off right!
Since I worked out this morning, I have to make sure to add extra calories into my day. This is something I was avoiding before, part of me just wanted to stick to how I usually eat, but I know that I need to make some improvements in my nutrition if I want to function normally. The mental dialogue I play over in my mind drives me a little nutty. This eating disorder plays such wild games with my head.
After breakfast, I finished getting ready and headed out to grab some groceries I’d be needing for the rest of the week, and to run a few errands. It was such a beautiful day, I was so excited. I can not wait for summer and the nicer days to come!
By the time I got home I was hungry for lunch.
11:30 – Lunch
I made myself a flax-egg pizza crust (made with ground flaxseed, almond flour, an egg, egg whites, and nutritional yeast), and topped with tomato paste, goat cheese, spinach, and red peppers. And I had an apple on the side.
3 – Snack
greek yogurt mixed with 1 scoop sun warrior vanilla protein powder, and a tablespoon of cashew butter that I mixed in, delicious (I half ate this before picturing, oops)
5 – Dinner
Even though it was really nice and hot outside, that was not enough of an excuse to fire up the oven. I roasted broccoli, asparagus, and cauliflower in 1/2 tablespoon coconut oil, dill, and nutritional yeast. And topped that with more goat cheese (obsessed) and a turkey burger. With a side of tomato paste ketchup (just stevia mixed into tomato paste).
This dinner was a little more “challenging” because I had goat cheese twice in one day, and to my eating disorder, having cheese twice in a day is “bad”. Which is stupid, because it is certainly not bad in the slightest.
While I’m preparing meals, I sometimes can not comprehend my own rational voice between my eating disorder voice. If that statement is even true.
I am not sure which one is actually “me”. If that makes sense to anyone. When I talk to my therapist, I will tell him how I avoid certain foods and follow food/exercise rules because I am afraid I will get fat, and he tells me that is not really me, but the eating disorder telling me this will happen.
I get confused, because how do I decipher the two of them? The eating disorder seems like such a part of me that is not separate, that I can’t tell whether it is really an “eating disorder voice”, or if I have trained my mind to actually think this way.
Do you believe an illness like this can control us in such a huge way that it actually is a separate part of you. Am I really a separate person from this disorder?
8 – Evening Snack
a protein muffin with coconut flour cream and peanut flour paste.
Now I’m off to catch up on some Real Housewives and get to bed! 
Recovery takes a lot of determination, hard work, and willingness; it will also have set-backs and I need to learn a set back is not a relapse. I am not a failure because I had a set-back, and I don’t have to go down that dark path any more. Everybody deserves full recovery, including me.
I hope your day was lovely and positive!
What was the best thing you ate today?
About Lisa
I’m sure it is tough for you to go through recovery, but I KNOW you can do it. Obviously I have never gone through it so I don’t know exactly about it all, but I did have a friend with an eating disorder and always tried to help. I’m so glad you had goat cheese, how amazing is it?!?! Oh, and of course starbucks. The best.
Goat cheese is THE best thing ever. So tasty. Thank you for your words I appreciate it
You’re so strong my friend, I admire your willpower to beat this! Just know you aren’t alone in this, we’re all here to support you on your quest to kill ED!!
Your breakfast looks amazingggggg too! YUM!!
Thanks love! Means a lot to me!
I’m always a little leery of adding protein powder to yogurt. It tastes pretty good?
It tastes really good, just make sure you like the taste of the protein powder you use haha. And I’ve never tried it in flavoured yogurt just plain!
You are one tough cookie Lisa… you will beat this.. just have to keep challenging the ED thoughts. It is so dang hard, but worth it and I believe that
So hard, but totally worth it! Loved your post today friend!
So healthy! Love it
I should start doing this!
Eds will always be with you but you will learn to conquer that inner voice. I don’t even hear mine anymore and it used to completely run my life 3 years ago. Small changes add up. You got it girl!
ps I still want your hair : )
It’s so fun to do every week. Wow, that is great to here! I know eventually I can conquer that voice, right now it just seems like it will always be there.
Love you! You are such a strong person. I totally agree that even though you may have setbacks, that definitely doesn’t make you a failure. That fact that you can continue forward from one shows how strong you are! I know you got this Lisa <3
Thank you <3 It means so much to me to hear that from you! Lots of love to you too!
goat cheese can be had 3x a day or 4x day! I think we cling to what we know best. your disorder is a part of you, but one you are trying to rid of. So cling to what you NOW know, what you WANT to know best. THE HEALTHY you. I know, easier said than done, but you are strong!
Thank you Lindsay. I appreciate all your advice and positivity! It truly helps
although i follow a highly raw vegan diet at the m oment, i sometimes do love me some goats cheese
preferably raw too (which means unpasteurized- and all the good bacteria are still in the cheese). its great when you know where the cheese come from, we have so much good organic cheese in austria!
Oh wow, intense. That would be too hard for me to follow
Goat cheese rocks! I’ve never tried raw, but I’m sure it would be awesome! I wonder if we have any where I live, off to search that info out!
YOU are lovely and positive, Lisa! I believe the ED is separate from you – it’s not you because it’s not doing what YOU want, what will make YOU happy. Keep fighting! I understand the whole cheese-twice-in-a-day fear. As well as not being able to go back to sleep because of the “mental dialogue”, that’s the worst. It only makes you more tired because of all those exhausting thoughts flying in and out, in and out all day. But I’m proud of you for making a conscious effort to consume enough.
Very true. I understand what you are saying in that it is not me because it’s not doing what I want. Sometimes its hard to keep fighting, when I’m so tired of fighting, but I know it must be done to conquer this!