Gooood Morning beautiful people!
Up and at ‘em again at 4:30 this morning. I just can not for the life of me get my sleeping patterns back to normal. It is killing me a little bit.
The past week, I have been keeping up with the increase in calories, yet it seems like everything is staying the same. I am still suffering from the mental fog, the fatigue, sleepless nights, anxiety, and the feeling that I am overwhelmed. It almost feels like things are worse. When things don’t change and I see the same things occur, I feel like I should just resort back to the disorder. I mean, I’m already feeling crappy, might as well just keep up with it by decreasing my calories again.
But no, I must not resort back to the old ways of coping with my anxiety. I know I need to gain some weight, and hopefully with the additions I’ve made to my intake I will see some progress soon. I have to remember that my eating disorder did not happen in a day, nor a week, or month. So to get back to my normal brain functions, and body functions it will take longer than that. I am so impatient when it comes to recovery. I want things to happen right away.
I have felt overwhelmed lately with other things, basically anything that comes my way I feel overwhelmed with. This makes me just want to give up on getting myself healthy. No, no, no. Bad thinking. I need to place the main focus of my energy onto my health. I have nothing if my health is not taken care of. How do I expect to live a normal and fulfilling life if I keep stuck in this disease. Well, simply, I will not. I don’t know why I am so stubborn and won’t let go of the disorder.
There is still a lot of damage to repair in my body, when a body is damaged it will simply not function properly. Which is why I am still experiencing some of these awful symptoms. As much as they suck, it will suck way more if I keep myself stuck in this place for too long. I will get comfortable, and it will be harder in the future to make changes.
The body needs nourishment so it can fight the disorder, fight the fatigue, and get my body functioning normally again. I am tired of feeling and being sick and tired. It seems like I have been in recovery for so long, but still can’t get past the negative effects my body is feeling.
The problem lies in how I view food. Food is meant to fuel, sustain, heal, and give energy to the body. It is not meant to be feared. It is not meant to be manipulated and controlled, which is what I am doing. Here’s to making more positive changes this week. I definitely know how to stick within my comfort zone, and have a hard time expanding outside of it. The things that make life exciting and and worthwhile are outside of my comfort zone and I need to explore those options.
If you accept change, you allow circumstances to just happen to you. On the other hand, when you embracechange, you take charge and gain ownership of new opportunities. When you’re in the driver’s seat, your life is both more fulfilling and peaceful.
Recognize change for the positive effects it can have on your life. It’s the engine that propels you toward new and better things.
[Source: Jane Powell]
Have a lovely Tuesday!!
How do you go about making positive choices or changes into your life?
Does hot chocolate make you feel better on a hard day too?