Good morning Tuesday!
Last night, I settled down with a side of Romy and Michelle’s High School Reunion. I just love that movie. Such a classic. When I was in high school I think I could recite that movie backwards and forwards. Let’s just say I adored it. Clearly.
*Cold overnight oat bran. I just know that you’re super jealous, and that you want some of this loveliness.*
Anyways, this morning I greeted the day with my usual morning routine. This is just too perfect to not enjoy during those summer mornings.
*1/3 cup oat bran, 1/2 cup egg whites, 1.5 tablespoon chia seeds, 1/3 cup pumpkin. Topped with my favourite peanut flour paste. That’s my kind of breakfast and how cute is my bowl? I just love that thing!*
After digestion occurred, I went on a little stroll. It was a fabulous walk and I enjoyed to just get outside and enjoy the scenery. I love how peaceful and relaxing early mornings here are.
While on my morning walk, I contemplated what I’d be eating for lunch. Do I want this meal or that meal? How many calories should I eat for lunch? What fats? Proteins? Which carbs do I want in todays lunch?
*After my walk, I was a little chilly and enjoyed the most magical hot chocolate, made with coconut milk instead of all almond. Um, why have I not been doing this all the time? Insane. 1 tablespoon cacao powder, stevia, and coconut milk.*
I have to admit, a lot of my mood dictates from how meals turn out. Which makes me resort to the same meals over again. When I enjoy a meal or snack I feel like I am in a better mood, which also means the opposite is true when I don’t enjoy a meal. I will not finish it and become a tad moody, and that’s just not fun.
Enjoyment of my meals also means that I look for that “perfect” combination of carbs/proteins/fats. If I feel a meal is completely balanced, my mood increases and the day reflects this. I feel relieved and less anxious throughout the day.
*I had some older produce to use up for dinner, so I made a bowl of roasted vegetables cooked in coconut oil (the best), and after coated it in a dressing of 1/2 an avocado, 2 tablespoon nutritional yeast, a little water to thin, and a little dill to season. I had an egg on the side, but it was hideous. So no picture. Oh, and that’s tomato paste with a little stevia on the side.*
Who can even dictate what a perfect meal is anyways? Everybody is different, and we all have different calorie needs. It’s just a fact of life that every body is completely different from another.
Another problem lies in the fact that I spend far too much time planning and thinking about my next meals and snacks. I am consumed by too many thoughts about creating my next “perfect” meal. This puts my body under more stress and anxiety. It gives comfort to the eating disorder, but not to me. I am left feeling panicked and anxious when I don’t have control over my meals anymore. My food now controls me and becomes an unhealthy obsession.
*That would be my snack of whipped cottage cheese, processed with 1/2 a frozen banana, and little cashew butter on the side. I forgot how much I love blended cottage cheese. Time to bring it back.*
This to me, is disordered eating. When food controls your mood, routine, behaviours, and thoughts, it’s an unhealthy relationship with food and results in a problem. So, how do we stop ourselves from putting so much emphasis on our eating routines?
I find that by putting more of my involvement into my recovery and digging into deep dissolved issues I have experienced, I am able to better manage my emotions. By engaging myself with more varied recipes and “forbidden” foods, I think this could help lessen my obsession with eating clean all of the time. I am more able to choose what I want to be eating, not what I “should” be eating.
Do you allow food to dictate how you feel throughout the day? Would you consider this disordered eating?
Are you good with balancing healthy foods with indulgent foods?
Have a wonderful rest of your day all!!