Good Morning!
I feel like this week has just flown by! No complaints there. I guess going to Boston and not arriving home until Monday night (technically Tuesday morning) made the week pass by faster.
As promised my recaps from Boston will start today, I will be talking about my reflections from the entire conference today and than probably doing the daily recaps from there. I just felt I wanted this recap to be very honest and go from there!
* Before I get started, I need to talk about my breakfast this morning! I received a sample pack of Love Grown Foods granola at the Summit and made a pancake out of it using the sample package of apple walnut delight, an egg, a few tablespoons pumpkin, stevia, baking powder, and a handful of blueberries, cooked in coconut oil. Holy delicious. This was so awesome! Must eat this again. Now, I just need to find this granola in stores. I topped this with creamy almond butter, and it ended up being a super filling breakfast *
When I decided to purchase a ticket to the Healthy Living Summit, I was immediately excited. You don’t often get presented with the chance to go on a trip with a ton of other Healthy Living Bloggers to discuss you passion of blogging, social media, food, and fitness. So when the chance arrose I knew I wanted to take this opportunity and really connect with some of the people who I have become close with through this blog.
I knew that this trip to Boston would be a huge challenge for me. For one, I hate stepping outside of my confort zone, I don’t do it often and only create discomfort in my life is if I “have to”. I thought by the time the Summit rolled around I would magically be fixed and I wouldn’t be having such hesitations.
* Me, Chelsea, and Lindsay - photo from Meg *
I was actually extremely excited, but I was very anxious about what was to come up. I knew that I would be eating different foods that I didn’t have control over preparing, that I would be socializing a lot, and that I would be uncomfortable with the idea of travelling by myself.
If you haven’t already read Tessa’s post on her recap, I urge you to do so. It was a great recap and I can relate to a lot of her thoughts that she explained! I was worried others would be judging me on factors like “I am too fat, ugly, etc.” These are all horrible things to be thinking, but in honesty I was concerned about what other people would think of me.
* Whole Foods salads – the best! Meg, Cait, Heather, and I – photo from Heather *
When I first walked down to the lobby to meet the others I was so nervous to finally be meeting some amazing people! I wanted to meet the bloggers who share the same passions in life. Who get equally excited about new workouts, recipes, and fun ingredients;) Its a very unique situation and I was immediately relieved when I walked out of the elevator and was greeted with hugs and excitement!
All of the concerns I had previously washed away and I felt like I really connected with all the people who I talked with. I finally had other people to discuss creative recipes with, workouts, blogging, and even getting into deep conversations about experiences with eating disorders and issues we’ve had surrounding this.
Blogging has really changed my life for the better. I get to write about my experiences with anorexia and dealing with recovery, while sharing a passion for health and fitness that others may find weird. While meeting and talking with all these fabulous people was super awesome, I experienced some not-so-awesome feelings.
I was quite surprised when I saw a few people who were very, very tiny. From what is presented in some blogs, it makes them come off as they are recovered and doing fine, or others who have not even said they have eating issues, but are still quite ill looking.
* Cait, Me, and Heather representing after the Reebok sponsored crossfit workout *
I’m not one to judge so who knows if they even realize they are in a place where others are aware of their sick like appearance. Its a hard thing to acknowledge and accept, because you don’t know if you are in a place to say something to them. It is their journey and not mine to get involved with.
I’m probably in the minority with stating I do not mind if people give their opinions about me, saying that I need to work on things, or to give me constructive criticism. The only way I can truly get better is if I allow people to give their criticisms and really take them into account and try and change to better myself as a person! I value what other people say about me.
I had plans to go into Boston and enjoy my time away from home and my routine, but sadly I did not. I ultimately got very stressed out, and ended up skimping on meals and snacks and not allowing myself to indulge in any new foods while I was away. Sadly, I let comparisons enter into my mind and felt I was “too big” compared to other people and that I didn’t deserve to indulge in treats.
* Heather, Brittany, Me, and Tessa after our WOD *
In no way did I want to look like I did back in those horrible times, but I did allow the anxiety and negative thoughts to overcome and make choices based on what was safe for my eating disorder. I wanted to enjoy myself and the interactions with people at HLS, so I decided early on I wasn’t going to work out.
I am very happy with this decision to take those 4 days off from working out, as to develop more of a connection with people and the city. I didn’t want my mind to be consumed with what workout routine I’d be doing in the morning and I didn’t let it. We can’t undo all the progress in fitness we have made in 34days, so I didn’t find it a big deal to skip out on the workouts.
Attending Healthy Living Summit, I assumed the food would be amazing, so didn’t pack too much. I honestly thought they would have more nutritious options that focused on all types of dietary needs. Sadly, there weren’t too many options that I would have liked anyways. A lot of the things were heavily processed. While I have no problem in indulging in these things occasionally, I don’t think I would enjoy to eat this way for every meal. And that is just my opinion.
* Last picture I got at the Summit 
*
I do wish that I let go of my “clean eating obsession” and allowed myself to enjoy the delicious food Boston has. A lot of the people whom I went out with ate amazing meals, while I stuck with my “safe options”. Its something I clearly need to work on, and that is one of the realizations I have made once coming home.
The best part about this conference though was not the food or the workouts obviously, it was making true connections with the people I have communicated with on my blog for the past months. From this experience, I have truly met some of my greatest friends and could not ask for a better weekend with people I truly and deeply care about.
I connected with every person I met with and was so sad when it was time to leave. The relationships I have built with people are one of a kind and I feel that I am great friends with many people in this community. I felt everybody was genuine, kind, and just felt blessed that I was able to be experiencing this.
* Meg and I *
This weekend has changed my life and perspective for the better, I learned I want to, more than anything truly get over this disease and that I have made some of the greatest friends a girl could ever ask for. I only wish the conference lasted longer than the 3 days! I could have easily spent the next 3 weeks in the same room with these people and building even stronger friendships with them. I also have amazing and supportive people who are helping me through this hard and lengthy journey and really appreciate them throughout this difficult time!
Oh boy, this was a long post! I didn’t mean for it to be so lengthy so thank you if you actually read all of that! Don’t blame you if you didn’t though;)
Tomorrow I will actually recap the days and share more of the daily musings at the conference!
Have you ever been in surroundings that were hard for you to deal with?
Do you ever experience forms of disordered eating?
What was the best part of being at the Healthy Living Summit for you, if you attended?
Tell me something exciting about your weekend, if you didn’t attend!
I hope everyone has an amazing day!! I just want to thank everyone for reading and being part of this journey with me:) You all are truly amazing people!
About Lisa
I think it’s so wonderful that you’ve realized what you still need to work on, and what you have achieved so far throughout your recovery process. You are beautiful hunnie. Please just know that nothing happens over night, it takes time. As long as you stay devoted ((which I KNOW you will)), you’ll come out stronger than ever. Thank you for sharing this post with all of us.
Thanks Jessie! I think its hard to stay devoted to the recovery process because its so dang long and I am so inpatient;) I know it will come soon though, I just need to be patient!
This was such a great recap, Lisa! I love all of your honest thoughts. Although you explained that you still have some things to work on, you did take off from working out which was a good step! I didn’t workout either. Too much to see! I’m so glad we met though, I knew we would become instant friends
That is true, at least it was one little step in the right direction! Oh man, I’m so happy we had the chance to meet as well!!:) Now we just need to find a place to hang out again!
Thank you for being so honest Lisa, I think you did take a leap of faith for going. I commend you on taking those days off of working off, knowing that your body would not be fueled like it should. I think it is tough and def triggering when you see those bloggers. congrats on being open and honest, it just shows where you want to grow.
Thanks Alex! Its definitely tough to be triggered and even overcome those, especially when I didn’t have my therapist or parents with me to get through the tough feelings I faced, but overall it was such a fun event and I’m happy I went and challenged myself!
This was such a genuine and awesome post Lisa, I read every single word of it! Never apologize for getting out all your emotions in your head, it feels great to vent, eh?
Hopefully next year you’ll be completely free of that dumb voice and be able to let loose!! AND hopefully I can go so I can meet you and give you a huge hug haha 
I think it’s fabulous you were able to make such great friendships in such a short amount of time, and even though your ED prevented you from fully being free, you still succeeded in taking off days from working out and just getting out there. By taking those small baby steps and breaking out of the comfort zone, ED gets weaker and weaker
Love ya girl, you rock!
It definitely feels good to write out all my feelings and let everything go that I’ve been holding onto internally! Its true, I should be proud of even the baby steps because that makes me stronger in the end, and does make a difference in recovering! Seriously girl, we need to meet!!
Love you friend!xo
i’ve read numerous HLS posts and this one definitely sticks out from the rest. I’m really surprised they didn’t have as many healthy options as you would assume a healthy living summit would have. I definitely can sympathize with trying to enjoy being in a new place and sampling all they have to offer while trying to make healthy food choices. easier said than done!!
In the end, it’s not what people think of you but the lasting connections and experiences you have with friends and i’m glad you finally got to meet some of the people that you’ve been sharing your blog with.
Thanks Rob! I definitely didn’t want to come off in a fake way saying everything was good and dandy when there were some parts that were truly eye opening, including people’s health and how they come off that they are healthy when you can tell by looking at them they are not. It was bizarre how limited the food choices were at the summit, but what can you do?;)
The connections I made with people I met, was absolutely the best part of the whole experience. It makes such a difference meeting the people who you connect with in person.
Thanks for sharing all of that, Lisa. I’m amazed at your honesty with the blogging world and your openness to growth in all areas of life! I definitely hope to make it to a blogging conference sometime:)
Thank you Kelsey! I’d highly suggest going if you get the chance to!
I can understand how oyu partly felt triggered at HLS,I think it would have been just the same for me. Personally,I therefore doubt I would have gone there at this very moment even if I lived in America; I think I am not that far and still too “instable” for something like that right now.
I hope it will be different,soon,though,and I want you to know that you can be very proud of yourself for handling with negative eotions and thoughts so well.
Always remember that we’re all behind you,no matter what – even if some of us haven’t met you yet in person!
Thanks Kat! I appreciate your comment:)
What an honest, open, post, Lisa!
Having been to two previous HLS’s, I can definitely see how you could compare yourself to other bloggers. YOU are amazing, though – alone or compared to others! I find that comparing myself to my past self works best for me to work on myself – not to others. That, and I don’t really care what others think/say about me (unless said person really matters to me and I value their opinion.)
Glad you came out of this experience with so many great realizations, girl.
Thank you Paige!! Oh, that’s a good way to look at things to not compare to others, but your past self! I like that!
It’s brave of you to talk about these things. I think anytime any group of women are together their are always comparisons being made in each person’s head. That is normal. One thing I dislike most in the whole world is to feel like the biggest girl in the room and sometimes being around women thinner than me can bring up ED thoughts as well. I think I have gained confidence over my body image issues over the years. I try to remind myself that I am beautiful just the way I am even though I have wide hips and small boobs, I’ve gotten to the point where I like my shape and I don’t want to be the size I was back when… However I still think in the back of my head I would look better 5 lbs thinner. That’s just how it goes.
You are gorgeous and such a sweet girl. I wish you could see what I see and that you would be stunning as a size 10 or a size 2.
Yeah, I definitely felt that way at the summit. I felt like the “big” person in the room, even though I know that was just my insecurities getting to me! I am me, and shouldn’t be comparing myself to others. Just working to make my life the best it can possibly be, and not focusing on others so much!
‘I’m probably in the minority with stating I do not mind if people give their opinions about me, saying that I need to work on things, or to give me constructive criticism. The only way I can truly get better is if I allow people to give their criticisms and really take them into account and try and change to better myself as a person! I value what other people say about me.’
That shows what a lovely, caring and mature person you are. You’re not one of these bloggers who just deletes every single concerned comment and carries on as though everything is okay, when clearly it is not. You are honest and open about your struggles, and I truly admire you for that.
I hope the HLS has not made you doubt yourself too much – you look absolutely gorgeous in every one of your photos, and those that have appeared on other blogs and, not that it matters, but you are still one of the smaller bloggers there. You probably don’t feel that way, but it’s true!
xxx
Thanks Jess! Yeah, I definitely don’t agree with deleting comments that have people’s concerns and questions about my lifestyle. I really do appreciate the criticism and I think that is part of having a blog. Other people are reading so of course they are going to have comments, even if I’m not happy about them. If I am coming off defensive to other people, I sometimes realize that they are probably right and I need to make some changes and really take their comments as something I can work on! Its true I am still on the “smaller” side, in fact I had a doctor’s appointment and I’m still a little “underweight” it makes me wonder how other people can live at such low weights without people being concerned for their health!
Lisa,
this post nearly made me want to cry. I am so so so proud of you for having these realizations! I think sometimes it takes an eye-opening experience, or seeing others who are struggling to see where we really are in our own journeys. I, like you, appreciate when people point out my fallacies because it makes me have a better grasp on things I cant often see…what I need to work on…etc.
You are so beautiful, so honest, and seem to have suhc a kind heart. Keep working girl. You deserve a better life!
Hopefully I will get to meet you next year
Thanks CJ
You are so kind!! Ah, I really hope we get the chance to meet next year! That would be wonderful!!
Oh my goodness, Lisa. This post was everything and more that I imagined you could write. I know that I say this all the time but I just LOVE your honesty. I can relate and agree with so much here. When I was in recovery, it was really really really hard for me to be around big groups of people too because I was so fearful of judgement from others.
At HLS, while we formed a genuine connection with so many people (and that was the primary takeaway), there DEFINITELY was a sort of “competitive” and “judgmental” energy in the air at times. I am REALLY sensitive to energy shifts and I felt it – and I can TOTALLY understand how triggering it can be. When you feel an uncomfortable energy, you want to gravitate towards a comfortable one (i.e. ED habits). It makes perfect sense.
There were a few women who looked very ill and completely lost in their ED and it made me so sad. I just wanted to hug them and show them that it doesn’t have to be that way! But we all have our own journies and everything happens on its own time for a reason.
I’m so happy that you took this as a learning experience and that you’re going to use it as a motivator to move forward and work on certain aspects of your recovery. I love you so much, babe!!!
Awe Heather, you are such a sweetheart!! I think when we are all together, especially being healthy living bloggers we all kind of have the competitive energy, unfortunately. But, I just have to try and get those unhealthy thoughts out of my head and realize there is no sense in comparison. And yes on some people who looked very ill, I think their was at first some “jealous” feelings, but after processing it all, I’m mostly concerned and can’t help think why is no one mentioning it. I guess its just hard to talk about those things because you don’t want someone to get upset or mad with you. It was a wakeup call, because I went to the doctor’s after I returned and my doctor is still concerned that I’m a little underweight, so clearly I’m not “fat” I just have a skewed perception of myself! I’m happy I went and am now taking it as a learning experience!
Love you Heather!xox
I was so excited to read your recap and it certainly was just what I was expecting – an inspiring summary of lessons you learned about yourself and your true feelings about your weekend in Boston for HLS. I appreciate your honesty about seeing others who looked too thin, about the lack of options and presence of processed foods, and about the fact that you did not indulge as much as you would have liked to. I’m so proud of you for taking that time off from working out. I think with me being such a weird food enthusiast it is easier for me to let go of that and eat what I want to at a conference (though not by any means saying I didn’t adhere to some shoulds while at HLS) but the working out thing? So hard to skip. I did that 2 mile run on Saturday to feel good, yes, but also because I felt I should and if I didn’t I’d be being lazy. I really admire your bravery in skipping your workouts. We did lots of great walking anyway!
I love you Lisa and I know we’ll meet again someday. In the meantime our friendship and connection will only strengthen over time. Keep being brave, girl!
Awe! Thanks Caitlin! I was so happy to get the chance to meet you, and only wish the conference was longer so we could have chatted more!!
I definitely know we will meet again, and have even more fun together!!:)
wahhhhhhhh i am so sad i didn’t get to meet you guys! i was reading chelsea’s recap and was SAD! like really!
I know!! So wish you could have been there!! Next time?!:)
Such a great post Lisa! I have to admit I found myself very anxious all weekend too and definitely stuck with “safe” food choices! What I wish we all would have done was reach out to each other! Who knew we all had these thoughts of comparison and worry in our minds! Tessa and your post really stick in my mind! I look a lot different now as a CrossFitter than I did as a dancer with an ED and things like this are definitely a challenge for me because I do tend to compare and worry that I am not “fit enough” or pretty enough or thin enough…whatever it may be! I did not come out of hls with these negative feelings though simply because I spent the weekend surrounded by such amazing people! I am so happy we met and hope we are able to reconnect soon!
I know! Of course we wait until after to say all of our thoughts ha ha. I am so glad we had the chance to meet as well!! It was so great, I only wish we could have spent more time together!
I can understand all of these feelings my belle and imagine it must have been an overwhelming experience. I went to Foodbuzz 2 years ago and felt really overwhelmed. I self medicated with wine to take the edge off and skipped some events because it wasn’t really my thing.
You are well on your way. I want you to know that the more you push through these feelings and remove the fear from your life (with food/routine), the more your life will open up to you. It’s hard but in doing so you will welcome other loving and open people, amazing experiences and opportunities. I know you’re getting there. x
Thank you Gillian! I always appreciate your comments! I just need to remember how important it actually is to push past the uncomfortable feelings to make the changes I so want in life. And to get used to a different and healthier routine with food and fitness!
Your reply to my comment yesterday teared me up a little,(& that just aint my style!). Your words spoke volumes, about how much you desire recovery, & to be a genuinely healthy person. Gah, wish there were something I could do:/. You were very open /honest with me, which I *really* appreciated. Your calorie goal you mentioned is a healthy, normal amount, &i have every faith in you that its completely doable. Even moreso by not comparing your intake to certain blogs( which don’t represent the normal , healthy population anyway- I know for a fact I would be dead If I consumed the amount of food ,& exercised the way some bloggers do. Trust me I almost did lose my life, so that’s why major alarm bells ring for me when I see you WIAW’s.)
I’m sure you made as much of an opportuunity & experience out of the HLS, as you were well enough to do. So you obviously shouldnt have any regrets. And there will be MANY more times in your life to indulge in different foods and let go a little. I’m so happy you made so many connections & relationships with wonderful ladies, & they’ll have been blessed to meet you to:). It ultimately sounds like you had a fab time, & i can’t wait to read about the rest!
Xxx
Awe!! Sarah! I really did appreciate your comment. It helps me to take steps in my recovery and realize there are things I still do need to improve on. Now that I take a second glance at that post, it truly is a sad amount for someone to be eating if I want to start recovering from these things. Its good it was pointed out though! Or else I’d just think I was still doing good things, even though I’m not. I wish we had the chance to meet sometime!! Hopefully we will! I bet we’d get along so well!
wonderful recap Lisa! I couldn’t agree more with most of what you said. It is extremely difficult to put yourself around a group of girls who enjoy fitness and healthy eating and not compare yourself to them. you can’t help but think what am I doing wrong, why don’t I look that way when I only eat blank and exercise blank amount of times. I think many girls/women struggle with comparing themselves to others. It is hard not to. I am so glad I got to meet you!
It was lovely to meet you as well! I think we all experience some sort of comparison! But we just need to realize we are all on different journeys and paths, and some people simply are not healthy, but saying they are. I faced a lot of anxiety, but dealing with that has made me stronger in this process and now I know there are things I need to work on still.
your honesty is so refreshing!
i often find the food selections at these things to be disappointing – it continually surprises me when one of the biggest theme is FOOD.
Thanks Laura!! I totally agree, it confused be that there weren’t more healthy options!
Hi Lisa,
I recently found your blog through some others I read on regular basis and definitely echo the sentiments in many of the other comments here in that I truly admire your honesty and openness. I could never have been this open in a public forum when I was recovering from my ED. It actually took me years before I could openly talk about my anorexia and compulsive exercising so I commend you on your bravery. Also, I know how hard it can be to be out of your “comfort zone”. Even now, quite a few years after recovery, I still have a hard time going on vacations or out of town for work because it puts me out of my routine. I often worry about what I’m going to eat, how I’m going to get a workout in, what kind of restaurants I’ll be able to eat at, etc. Then I have to remind myself that you only get one life to live and worrying about all these things is only going to waste the precious time you have to really live and experience new things. Yes, I will plan ahead by bringing some of my “safe” go to snacks, planning a workout routine or searching fitness studios in the area, or looking up places to eat that fit my dietary preferences but I no longer let it consume me. I think you are on the right path by simply recognizing what you need to work on and also by letting go a little bit (i.e. forgoing workouts while at the HLS). You should be proud of yourself for those accomplishments! Whether you feel they are big or small, they will only aid in your path to recovery and make you the best you can be! I look forward to following your blog and reading more posts
Thanks Karah! Initially, it was really hard for me to open up. I found that the more I opened up about this stuff, the more people can relate to me and that’s a wonderful feeling, to feel like I can help people in their journeys! I still sometimes struggle with it, but the comments and positivity I receive out of it are so special to me.
I think vacations will always be a bit of a challenge, because they require us to be totally out of our comfort zones and we can’t get out of the uncomfortable feeling. But after this has happened it makes us grow as people!
Thank you for your sweet comment!!
I sooo wish I could have joined you girls!!! I loved the Blend Retreat- you should so join us next year! I always have a hard time finding food b/c I’m gluten free and dairy free, so I always pack food. lol. I’m like a little squirrel eating out of my purse. haha
I am definitely thinking of going to the Blend Retreat! I remember reading all the recaps and wishing I had joined in!! Ha ha. I totally feel like a squirrel with all the little snacks I bring along:)
Hey lady- so fun to meet you this past weekend! Your hair is even better in person ; )
You are beautiful and there will be a day soon where food doesn’t dictate your life– it takes time and you are on the right path
xo
Jocelyn
Awe, thanks Jocelyn!:)
I’m glad you like my hair ha ha. I just need to be patient in the process with overcoming this food “obsession” One day soon! xo
You can get there Lisa. This experience was good motivation for you. I am sad for those people you and others have mentioned that are clearly in denial of their ED, or at least can’t see they are underweight. When I see people like that it also makes me remember how it felt to be in that kind of body, and I felt like death. Just hold on to your perspective and your long terms goals. It’s easy to get stressed out about one particular food item right in front of you but mentally checking in with the big picture is something that really helped me and continues to.
Yah, it was really sad to see the clear unhealthiness of others, but after all this has digested I’ve realized just how far I’ve come in this journey, but also that I need to make adjustments! So its great fuel to the recovery fire!
Your wisdom and words definitely help to be in perspective and seeing that big picture! It truly does help!
This may just seem like something a mom would say, but you are an amazing person and Frank and I could not be more proud of you. Your insight and honesty are highly unusual for many people, regardless of their age! I know that you will look back on all of this when you are recovered and see the ways that ED has been ( in a weird way) a gift because it forced you to get honest and to discover your authentic self, and probably help a lot of others on the way. You have WAY to much to offer the world to let ED stop you from being all you truely are!!!!xoxoxo
That fact that you are putting yourself out there and making an effort just proves how strong of a person you are! We all struggle with our own issues and I know that many, including myself, can relate exactly to the thoughts that ran through your head. It’s all about acknowledging and then working on improving; which is exactly what you are doing. You rock girl, and are such an inspiration. I’m so happy that HLS was a beneficial experience and also a great opportunity for self-growth!
Thank you Kristi! I appreciate your comments a lot! Especially as someone who has blogged about your increase in calories, which has given me a major kick in the butt to do just that…I do find it hard to just do it though. That is the hardest part!
I love every single thing you wrote about – and I’m glad you went and got to experience this!
Thank you Chelsey!!
Of course I loved this Lisa and appreciate you taking the time to lay out your thoughts on all of this! You are putting yourself out there and are taking a chance, engaging in events and choices that are very scary for you… and this is fantastic! it’s necessary in order to progress and while you did have problems this weekend, and issues and emotions did arise, you learned so much about yourself and what you still need to work on. Just fantastic Lisa and I really am proud of you!
It was so nice to meet you as well and I wish we were able to talk more! We shall meet up again and in the mean time there is always emailing
Thanks Tessa! I loved your post as well! It was obviously a great post, as all yours are!!
I so wish we could have talked more! I know we have so much in common and are thinking most of the same things!!! True, there is always e-mail:)
Ahh your honesty is a breath of fresh air. As much as I love an appreciate the blog world, it can be really triggering as well. I’m so proud of your introspection–I’ve had similar fears–feeling ashamed of your new “recovered” body around tinier people, and the havoc that can wreak in the mind. Keep your head up gorgeous–you’re doing great and are so strong!
I can definitely find certain blogs triggering as well, I have been learning to manage more of what I’m reading lately. Thanks Sloane!
I feel like I have a very positive body image, but I was taken back by how many super tiny people there were and it made me second guess myself which is never fun.
I definitely was shocked at some people’s appearance as well. After digesting everything though, I’ve realized how far I’ve come and just because people are super tiny doesn’t mean they aren’t suffering. It was sad, but eye opening at the same time!
You are gorgeous! Great recap! We all feel insecure, nice to hear it admitted! Sounds like you made some nice and long lasting friendships! Love your pink workout pants!
Thank you Jess! Ha ha, I just love those pink workout pants:)
Lisa, I appreciate how open and honest you are about your struggles. I am happy you got to connect with some people, but am sad that it was a triggering experience and made you go back to a few unhealthy habits. I hate saying my ED days are long gone, even though I have not had any setbacks in my behaviors in a very, very long time–that little voice of comparing yourself and criticizing yourself, or feeling insecure will rear it’s ugly head. I went to HLS last year, 3 months after having Ella and I felt so completely insecure. I was much heavier than I was pre-baby, and felt everyone was going to judge me and think I looked terrible. And evn though I didn’t necessarily go back to bad behaviors because of it, it was in a way “triggering” for me being around so many thin girls. It seems, from what I hear, that it was even worse this year though.
You are gorgeous, and strong, Lisa. Again, your honesty is refreshing and I wish you nothing but the best. I hope you can continue to be healthy and nourish your body because you deserve it. You deserve all life has to offer, and to feel good about yourself. I hope you can soon see yourself as those around you do. A genuine, kind, smart, beautiful women. xx
It was definitely hard seeing people in an ill state, and almost wishing I was back there. Fortunately, after having a talk with my parents, a few friends, and my therapist I’ve been able to see all the progress I’ve made and even realized I still need to adjust some things. And people may have been even looking at me and seeing unhealthy habits, because of some anxiety I still have while facing certain foods. Thank you for your kind words Laury!! You are an inspiration for many women, like myself to see! I admire your lifestyle and all the knowledge you share!
I really, really love your honesty in this post, Lisa. I know it probably wasn’t easy to open up about exactly how you were feeling at HLS but I’m sure there were quite a few people who could relate. Getting caught up in the comparison game (especially in a place like that) is SO easy. You’re a talented, beautiful, and amazing girl- never forget that! And never feel like you need to live up to anyone else’s expectations. <3
I'm so shocked to hear that the conference didn't have a better selection of food! That's such a bummer. I'm glad you were able to focus on the relationships you were making rather than the food though. That's so important!
Thanks Emily! It was definitely hard to be honest and open up about what I truly felt, but I don’t want to hide the facts that I was truly feeling. Comparison is never fun, and not essential or necessary to live a healthy lifestyle. I know, the vegan food wasn’t great at all! I felt so bad for the vegan’s. Not good for a healthy living summit, definitely!
Oh Lisa, this was such a beautifully and brutally honest post! Thank you so much for sharing what was on your heart during the weekend; I wish we’d had more time to talk about all of these things; there is SO much I’d love to discuss with you. Like you said, I could have easily spent 3 weeks in the same room with all of these ladies. I feel as though we’ve all been through similar experiences, and as a result have a unique understanding of each others fears, trials, triumphs etc. When personal connections are made, we can all be cheerleaders for one another! However, the unfortunate part about conferences like this HLS is that it’s impossible to chat with everyone. As a result, people form opinions of others and pass judgement from afar. Assumptions and comparisons are made, and insecurities skyrocket.
Since I attended HLS last year, I knew what to expect, so I tried my best to mentally prepare myself for all of this. The good news is that I really surprised myself this year! I felt very confident in my own skin, and wasn’t at all influenced by what others ate, or whether or not they worked out. I allowed myself to indulge some, but balanced it out with healthier meals the rest of the time. That said, I still felt a need to “watch” what I was eating. I really hope that goes away…Maybe next year! I guess the reason I’m writing all of this is because I KNOW that you’ll get to that point too. Your honesty and determination to kick ED to the curb is so inspiring! You’re already doing it by sharing your thoughts here! If you decide to go to HLS again next year, there’s no doubt in my mind that you’ll enjoy yourself more! You’re making huge strides, girl! I am so proud of you!! Love you to the moon and back x’s a zillion. <3 xoxoxo
I am so amazed by your honesty. I already read quite a few reviews about this years HLS and thought exactly the same:
“I was quite surprised when I saw a few people who were very, very tiny. From what is presented in some blogs, it makes them come off as they are recovered and doing fine, or others who have not even said they have eating issues, but are still quite ill looking.”
Those pictures where quite sad and discomforting and left me with a feeling that the summit is probably not actually a place to share “healthy eating and fitness ideals” but “diet advice” and since I was considering taking part the next year, this was quite a bummer for me. But I am so happy about all the healthy girls around and reviews like yours – so I guess in the end it will balance out and I hope those girls who were scary skinny this year, will be more healthy and happy the next.
And I hope you are not discouraged by your negative experiences to take part against next year. We are all developing and growing and I am a huge believer that with realization comes alteration – thats why I am sure, that next year you will be more positive about the whole experience and able to enjoy yourself.
honesty is the best policy. to be true to yourself and others helps you grow stronger, which you are. It sounds like you had a great support group there despite some of the other draw backs. Hold on to those friendships that continue to LIFT you UP!!
What a genuine and honest post! I’m so proud of you for this! Just you realizing all of this and coming to terms with it is proof that you are making huge strides.
xoxo
You are amazing and I hope you never forget that! I feel we all compare ourselves, it is something that is just in us all. Everyone has their insecurities and I agree there were some tiny peeps there that I was worried about, but what can you do. I want to be there for them but don’t want to confront them either. We all have struggles in life, we just have to focus on ‘our’ own struggle and offer support for others. We have to focus on US!
I have had the struggle as you know with the period issue and hell it has been, well hell! I am not perfect, I never EVER want anyone to think I come across like that. Do I share every struggling day I have on my blog? NOPE. Some things are just meant for me to deal with and my loved ones, not the whole world.
I am proud of myself for putting my health first finally and not what I used to put first, looking thin. Yeah, genetics play a part in me being slim but but I also was over exercising and messed up my damn hormones! I know it will all be situated soon and I am doing what is best for ME. I hate when people go on my blog and judge me, it makes me upset but I only should care about the people I love that judge me.
I know I am not at a unhealthy weight but yeah there is issues obviously since no period, but at least I am recognizing it.
Love you and I know the path you take will only get better! Always here for you! <3