Happy Thursday! At least I hope it’s a happy one!
This morning, I had my alarm set so I could actually attempt YOGA first thing. If I don’t do it in the morning, heavens knows I won’t do it at all.
My alarm went off blaring and I woke up feeling exhausted.
Understandable, since I got about 4 hours sleep the night before.
* Yoga and foam rolling morning. I always regret that I neglect foam rolling. It burns *
Instead of listening to my internal desire to sleep in, I gave into that voice saying I need to get up and workout.
I was going to throw in the towel and not do yoga, instead doing my usual intense workouts but decided to give yoga the old college try.
Honestly, I think my body would’ve been much happier getting an extra hour of sleep, but I gave in to my mind.
Oh well, that’s what coffee is for right? It was needed today that’s for sure.
After realizing just how tired I am, I realized how very tired I am of having my mind control my bodies actions.
I talked about this last week, but after coming through a milestone with my health, I’ve allowed that voice to creep back in.
Truth is, I like being able to have control over certain aspects in my life. In a way, I still am “controlling” my health.
With my desire to be in control, it ultimately led me to give up this control to an eating disorder.
Instead of listening to my bodies craving, I let my mind and disorder make the decisions.
* sweet and savory lunch combo; ezekiel, strawberry goat cheese, an egg *
It’s funny, because I tried so hard to control my weight, food intake and exercise, I didn’t even realize I had no control left.
I lost all of it when my eating disorder came into my life. Instead of living by a clock, a scale, or what I believe to be safe, I want to live by my bodies clock.
Eat when I’m hungry and rest when I’m tired, it’s such a simple statement but hard to escape.
Let’s just say it’s not worth it to fall back into those old habits. There’s a reason I chose to recover from these past unhealthy obsessions.
* snack consisting of pumpkin bread, pumpkin seed butter, an apple *
I’ve gained so much freedom already, but I could always gain more freedom.
Life is not going to be a smooth journey, there will be scenarios thrown in, to challenge us, to make us stronger in life.
Even if I make a mistake, I will always learn from the experience. As I’ve done so far.
I know that the more I progress the more it will come.
Don’t lose sight.
With that, I think it’s safe to say I need a nap! Or coffee…probably just a coffee.
What’s your favorite type of yoga?
Do you like the sweet and savory combination?
Have a safe and beautiful day!
About Lisa
Great post! I struggle with falling back into old habits too. If you gave in to these habits for a long time, it’s hard to escape. But there is so much more happiness with freedom instead of scale and watch, right??!!
Exactly Lucie!! It is such a freedom when we don’t rely on those things for happiness!
I love hot vinyasa but I always seem to choose spin or weights over it. I need to do better at incorporating yoga into my world because its so healthy!
Same here Brittany!
Beautiful post Lisa– such a simple yet necessary reminder!
“Even if I make a mistake, I will always learn from the experience” <– That right there is EPIC. It just goes to show how much you've progressed in your recovery. You rock girl!
Thanks girl! And you’ve been making amazing progress as well! So proud.
Great post! I struggle with this too…I tend to lean towards living on a schedule (eat at this time, go to bed at this time) as opposed to when my body wants to do what it needs to do. It’s a tough habit to break!
I’m a huge sweet and salty fan. Chocolate covered pretzels, chocolate covered almonds, chocolate with sea salt (I’m sensing a theme here) are all some of my favourites.
Chocolate and sea salt are such a good combo!
Love this. Stay strong Lisa. It is still a challenge for me to listen to my body over my mind and it takes so much work but it is possible!
Thanks for the support Danielle!
Yes, it happens to the best of us. I haven’t made as much progress as you in this area. I still have a long way to go in my ED. But just remember that you’re still human, all you can do it reflect on what you’ve done so far and decide to change the things that need changing. You’re awesome!
Oh, and sweet and salty? I JUST reviewed some vanilla and salt chocolate on my blog that is out of this world!!
Exactly Devon! Just keep on going, the end is beautiful even though it’s so hard to get through!
I love the sweet and savory combination. That breakfast is right up my alley!
I really enjoyed reading this post. I am currently struggling between whether to listen to my mind or to my body. I tend to tell myself “I shouldn’t eat that” or “I have to work out” even when my body is really craving a certain food or when my body just wants to rest. This is hard to figure out, but since I have stopped counting calories (for the most part), I am finding it to be a bit easier. One step at a time!
I’m so glad you’ve (mostly) stopped counting calories, it really is a huge step to overcome! You’re right one step a time!! Keep up the hard work!
I love, love, love this post Lisa. It is so RAW and HONEST. These moments when we let our guard down and voice our ego are the moments that we leave the door open for a miracle. YOU are amazing!
It’s so easy to let our ego creep in and say, “Yeah, whatever you’re a failure because you didn’t listen to yourself.” Remember to forgive yourself and thank your ego for keeping you in line; for helping you to open your eyes and see where you veered off the path. That’s why it’s called recoverY and not recoverED. <3
CHAT TODAY?!
Love you! So true! Your words always mean so much to me! You articulate my thoughts so well!!
it is hard to not let that little voice creep back in. it is all about not acting on what it says and rather letting the voice begin to quiet over time. still a process though for sure.
Definitely a process! You’re so right in saying that we shouldn’t act on what that voice says and it will begin to quiet!
Even though I just started reading your blog, I can tell that you’ve come so far!! I know what it’s like for unhealthy habits (physically and mentally) to creep back up, but you gotta stay strong and remind yourself how much progress you’ve made. You’re doing great girl
Aw thank you so much Connie!
BIKRAM for sure!! and you’re crazy for functioning on so little sleep.. i can’t do it, no matter how much coffee!!
I’ve only tried bikram once! I think I should try it out again!
Great post girl! Keep listening to your body! I have never really done much yoga… any recommendations??
I’ve only tried power yoga, it’s the only kind I’ve been able to get into ha ha.
Awesome post… this is something that’s happened to me lately. I was running too much on little sleep and decided to “force” my voice to be quiet and take some rest days. My body was so happy I did and I felt so much better. That voice can be haunting coming back and forth but what’s important is listening to your body
So true Rachel! That voice can be so strong, but we deserve a break from all that added stress!
Mmmm strawberry goat cheese. YUMM!
I need my sleep. I always choose that over fitness if I can
I’ve been meaning to get into yoga for the longest time, my body could use the extra stretching! My friend has been begging me to do Bikram with her, butI haven’t gotten around to it. Not sure how I feel about all that heat!
Bikram definitely isn’t my favorite. The heat really gets to me! I may try it again, but am still unsure.
Big hugs, hun. I really loved your honesty in this post, even though I hate the fact that you’re still struggling with listening to your mind instead of your body. It’s something that comes with time, I think. The important thing is that you realize what’s happening and are keeping yourself committed to the idea of escaping that prison – but the only way to do that is to actually force yourself to listen to your body and do your best to deal with the anxiety that it causes you. It won’t be easy at first, but eventually the freedom and happiness you’ll experience from feeling good become kind of addicting, and it’ll be easier to drown out the nasty voice that tempts you to do the opposite of what you should be. Wouldn’t it be nice not to feel sick and tired all the time? I know that was one of my mail motivations – just getting sick and tired of being sick and tired. You’ll get there, hun… baby steps
Your words are always amazing and appreciated! Thanks for the kind words! It’s definitely the only way to escape the prison, like you said. We have to force ourselves out of that comfort! The anxiety is only natural!
You had only 4 hours of sleep!? omg woman, I would be a ZOMBIE. Literally. Well, not literally but close to it. I cannot function if I have less than 6-7 hours of sleep. 6 is pushing it. Sigh. I love yoga and I miss it, I haven’t done it in 2 months now. I don’t know why. I think it’s time I get back to it.
I’m happy to learn that you’re doing so well
freedom is an amazing thing to gain and it makes life great, I’m glad you’ve gained so much already.
I was a zombie! Ha ha, I was basically useless the whole day. I always go through those phases with yoga!
This is a GREAT reminder for me! I love this post. I give into my mind ALL to often when I should be listening to my body. And I love the sweet and savory combo… especially jelly and salty eggs
As far as yoga, Bikram yoga is my absolute addiction.
Totally with you on jelly and eggs!! So good.
This post really resonates with me, & I admire your honesty, effort & thought you put into recovery so much. Always have done.
For myself right now,( & I guess you’re in a similair spot?), I feel like I’ve let go of a lot of disordered habits, but I still hang on to some. And it’s these last remnants of my disorder that keep me in this stagnant place, preventing me from truly moving on, happiness , & living!
I feel like ED’s provide this FALSE sense of comfort, that’s sooo easy to keep running back to. To make us feel like we have some sort of order/control in life, or something.
Oh yah, sweet&savoury combos are pretty much awesome, and I’m praying that better sleep patterns are coming your way!!
Xxx
Thank you Sarah! Yes, I’m definitely in the same spot. I still struggle with a few disordered habits and just haven’t let go of them yet. It’s something I’m really trying to work on now. Gosh, the disorder can just be evil right! It is so controlling. And it’s for sure a false sense of comfort!! xo
Beautiful post Lisa….Meet all of those negative emotions with love…You are such a strong woman.
Thank you for those words Angela!
Hi Lisa, Your blog is nice but I had a question. Do you work, go to school or have a job? It seems like all you do is go to the gym, come home, make lunch, go to Starbucks and then eat an early dinner and watch movies. You are in your early twenties, don’t you want to work a full job. Maybe you feel like this because you aren’t satisfied in life? I think you need to step out of your routine and get a real job instead of living off your parents. You can only do that for so long. Clubbing on the weekends, drinking and starving yourself throughout the week is not good. Although you are in your 20s you look quite old because you have destroyed your body throughout the years. I don’t know. As a new reader, it seems like you lead a boring and sad life that all you do is spend money on Starbucks, take pictures and buy inexpensive organic ingredients to make food that is low in calories. Have you tried living abroad? Volunteering overseas? You are really lucky. Perhaps this message will open your eyes.
Hi Carla, yes I do work and do other things as well. I mostly work at night, so I don’t talk about it. I definitely want to be able to work a full time job! I haven’t decided what I want to do exactly so I’m still struggling with what I really want to do with my life! So I wouldn’t say I’m completely satisfied right now. You are definitely right that I need to step out of my routine and it’s something I’m working on with the help of others. I know that I’m very blessed with my life and I have a lot to offer, it’s just something I’ve been working on for quite a while. As well as recovering, I suffer from OCD, panic disorder and anxiety so travelling isn’t the best option for me right now while I’m getting help for this. I do appreciate your comment and definitely understand the message you are trying to send to me.
Also i don’t get why you are proud of being vain! isn’t it embarassing when guys see this?
I wouldn’t say I’m proud of being vain… If a guy sees this and judges me, that is their opinion. I really don’t care what a guy would say about this. I’m not embarrassed of my blog at all!
The toast looks amazing! The strawberry goat cheese looks awesome…I didn’t know they make strawberry goat cheese
!
I made it myself:)