Coffee was much needed again today.
Seriously, I think this was the only thing keeping me alive and productive, and by productive I mean not falling asleep during the day. I’m determined to be more proactive with things that I want to start happening in my life, I think I was creating too much anxiety over these thoughts. You know the usual over-thinking things I put myself up to.
For the longest time, I put an enormous amount of pressure on myself to pick the “perfect” job, where I’d make lots of money, and not necessarily be happy on. I’ve come to realize that money is not the most important thing, and that my happiness comes first. Feeling like I have to do something because of money is just adding unnecessary pressure to my life.
Right now, I’m still in a place of unknowing what I really want, but if I don’t get out there and try, than I’ll never know. We all have to start somewhere. Adding to my fears, I feel that I “have to” be successful for my family to be proud of me, to have friends, just to feel validated, but success does not equal money.
I’m at a point in my life where I need to start making some changes, pushing myself out of my comfort zone so that I can become more confident and strong with my decisions to pick a career. Which, let’s face it can be very intimidating.
It feels like I’m in a bit of an identity crisis, I mean I love health, fitness, recovery, helping others, nutrition, wellness, makeup and I’d love to pursue those things further, but which do I start with? I’m tired of trying to label myself as “one thing”. It’s safe to say I’m in a bit of an identity crisis, not sure where my talents belong. Which category I should reach out to.
The point being, always searching for balance in myself or different directions grows a little tiring at some point. I also feel this way in terms of recovery. I’m not totally “recovered”, but I’m not completely disordered either. So what am I and do I really need to define where I am right now?
In the end, it’s my life and I choose the direction in where I see fit, although I wish I could have some sort of magic genie who could decide it all for me. Often, I’ll ask my parents or friends to “just pick something they think I’d be good at and I’ll do that”, it sounds silly but I love to over-think life;)
Life if fluid, always moving forward and I need to be doing the same thing. My life will be changing in positive ways, although I can’t predict what they will look like I’ll enjoy the journey and stop worrying about those silly things.
Clearly, my life and mind is a bit scatter brained right now, so excuse the wordy post while I attempt to find and accomplish my dreams.
Our actions are what sets things in motion in predicting the future, not our thoughts. I need to always remember this!
Have you ever suffered an “identity crisis”?
Can you relate at all?
Have a beautiful day!