My Definition Of Healthy

May 9, 2013 by

Morning all! How’s the week treating you so far? I’m hoping well.

One of my major passions in life is food. Particularly, healthy foods. I really believe in an all around healthy lifestyle. This includes a relatively health and nutrient filled diet. For me, spending my time on cooking, planning, and shopping for those “clean” foods and recipes is pretty normal in my life.

As you may guess, I actually love going to the grocery store, wandering aimlessly down the aisles looking for new foods to try, or over-hyped items to try out for myself.

parsnip fries

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{38 Comments }

Everything Happens for a Reason

January 22, 2013 by

Everything happens for a reason.

I’m a real sucker for this statement. I use it time and time again.

We go through certain situations in life for a reason. Every hardship we go through, we learn a lesson in the end. Even if it isn’t clear in the beginning, when we are aware and willing to learn, we will find a reason.

Everyone goes through tough times throughout their lives.

glazed tempeh and roasted veggies

{ Dinner last night; glazed tempeh, roasted veggies }

Sometimes, the answer is simple like getting under the covers a few hour earlier and get a good night sleep.

Other times, the answer is more difficult and we have to struggle to get there.

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{32 Comments }

clean eating

January 15, 2013 by

Good morning everyone!

Have you ever had that internal debate over quality versus quantity in terms of our health?

In society, it seems that many of us hold onto the belief that the only way to be successful in weight loss or dieting is that calculations (calories in vs. calories out, burning x amount of calories per day) will lead us to get results and quality of food gets put on the back burner.

In my opinion, the quality of food we consume should be more important than the quantity.

almond butter sandwich

{ almond butter & ezekiel bread; paleo may be all the rage now, but I still love my carbs }

When I first started losing weight, I was a slave to the 100 calorie packages.

Maybe I could eat more of these, but I’d never feel satisfied. Not surprising, as these items are filled with chemicals and preservatives.

It’s easy to stick to those really low calorie foods, but in the end you’re so devoid of any nutrition that you end up hungrier than before.

Why have one egg when you could have 5 egg whites for the same amount of calories? Discounting the fact that whole eggs contain the most nutrition and benefits when we are eating these foods WHOLE.

strawberries + coconut milk
 { one of my favorite snacks these days; coconut milk and strawberries }

This also leads to the “eat clean” movement.

Yes, I consider eggs clean, full fat yogurt is more clean compared to the 0% processed variety.

However, everyone has there own definition of ‘”clean eats”.

Eating clean is seen as a good thing, but when clean eats become too restrictive is that really considered a good thing?  If we view eating clean as fuel, quality, nutrients, and ingredients instead of focusing on calories, I think that’s better for overall health.

PBball

 { even though peanut flour isn’t a whole food, I still and will continue to enjoy it! }

It’s also necessary we don’t become too obsessed with eating clean. If we are only eating these healthy foods with no leeway, food consuming all our thoughts, planning and scheduling meals; well that just gets in the way of living life and eventually becomes emotionally and mentally draining.

Being restrictive, obsessive, and isolating isn’t healthy. Eating clean can be part of our daily lives, but we can’t live to eat clean.

Eating foods we like shouldn’t leave us feeling guilty, we have to be able to indulge some of the time.

Obviously, I’m not perfect in this way of viewing food. I still hold onto beliefs that I must “eat clean”, now I’m trying to “unlearn” my clean eating obsession.

wine
{ so wine may not be the epitome of health, but that won’t stop me from enjoying it every once and a while }

There are still foods I won’t eat, as I view them as unclean, and still label food as “good and bad”.

It’s a struggle to change these thoughts, even if they are disordered.

I’m slowly coming to terms with what works for me, instead of looking to others for the next new thing. I know I’ll get there eventually.

How do you define clean eating?

What’s your favorite food to indulge in?

Have you ever been too obsessed when it comes to food?

Hope everyone has a fantastic day!

{47 Comments }

Bodies and Beliefs

January 8, 2013 by

Our body may not be able to learn all the information possible about nutrition, I mean that’s what our brains are for; that doesn’t mean that our minds know what’s best for us though.

Our mind contains thoughts, beliefs, memories, and more. Did you ever think your body is actually the thing we should consult, since it really is the vehicle that knows what we need most in the moment.

Instead of having trust in our bodies, we often fear the very thing they are trying to tell us. Our bodies are able to tell us when we’re hungry, tired, hurt, thirsty, etc.

dinner

{ For Dinner, last night I had a homemade zucchini turkey burger with roasted cauliflower, asparagus, broccoli, an avocado sauce, and nutritional yeast }

In the past, I’ve been the victim of trusting beliefs my mind had, instead of what my body wanted. If I was tired or hurt, I couldn’t rest because I had false beliefs imprinted on my mind; rest was for lazy people and being hurt wasn’t an option if I want to be skinny.

Even worse was being hungry. My mind would try to tell my body it’s not hungry, I don’t need food or calories because I have all the self control in the world and don’t need food to be satisfied.

It was always a constant struggle of mind versus body.

Even though I constantly tried to outsmart my body, it was able to put up a strong fight.

Sometimes, we may be tempted to listen to other peoples beliefs and try and accept them as our own.

strawberries + coconut

{ I picked up some strawberries at the store and had them with coconut milk. So good }

People say carbs are bad? Well then, my body has [insert make believe issue] so I can’t digest carbs because others are saying they’re bad to eat. Silly and untrue statements.

With all these new studies, we likely try and go against our bodies by telling them what we think is best for it.

Often, I look in the past where I knew nothing about nutrition, calories, carbs, fats, protein, and wonder if I was actually smarter as a child.

When I was tired, I took a nap. Hungry? I ate. I didn’t restrict, eat too much, over exercise to compensate. I just lived and acted as my body asked for what it wanted.

Never questioning my hunger because I trusted my body to tell me what it needed.

Many beliefs I once had as a child are long gone since I’ve adopted other peoples beliefs as my own, as well as trying to adapt to a type of lifestyle other people preach.

teas

{ My two favorite teas right now. }

Instead of living life freely, it has changed so that I constantly question, control, and manipulate my body. Somewhere in my life I stopped listening to my bodies needs, instead telling it what it needs.

Which obviously didn’t end well, since it developed into a horrible eating disorder. Even though my body tried to tell me otherwise, my mind wouldn’t let it.

Denying our bodies is a very strong belief stemmed from others, so that we can have an “ideal body”. It’s hard to not listen to those beliefs when they are all around us.

It’s sad how hard it is for many of us to truly listen to our bodies. My mind really believed that by controlling my body, I would be content in life.

People would finally like me, I’d be prettier, have more confidence, and could do whatever I put my mind to.

oranges
{ still obsessed with Christmas oranges. I’ll be sad when they go out of stock }

In reality, I ended up losing control and gave that control to the disorder instead.

Eventually my mind couldn’t keep up, I was on the verge of death and I had to finally listen to what my body was asking for. Now I’m living with the constant nagging of two voices.

My healthy voice and the eating disorder voice. Sometimes, I don’t know which one is which. It is a constant fight, but I know I just need to keep pushing through to reach a point of living a life that is best for me.

Remember that your body is smart, it may be tempting to listen to others beliefs, but your body knows what’s best for your health.

Do you have a hard time listening to your own body?

Have you ever fallen victim to fad diets?

What’s the last positive thing you did for your body?

Sending lots of love your way today! Have a great one!

{25 Comments }

Power of Positive Thinking

September 4, 2012 by

Morning friends! Hope everyone had a great Labour Day yesterday!

There are many days in life where I struggle with stressors, especially recently. Realizing my body is not healthy is a sad fact to face, especially when I try and nourish my body to the best of its ability with healthy foods and fitness.

It’s not fun to face the cold hard truth that despite my efforts to appear healthy, I am not. The eating disorder has placed a lot of mental struggles in my life, but I won’t let these things effect my outlook of positive thinking.

* I started the morning off with overnight buckwheat cereal. I ground 1/3 cup of this buckwheat cereal in my coffee grinder, cooked with 1.5 cups water, 1/2 cup egg whites, 1 tablespoon chia seeds, 1 banana, 1/4 cup pumpkin, and topped with peanut flour paste. *

The body and mind are more connected than we can begin to understand. When we place negative beliefs, and angry thoughts into our minds, our bodies will feel these negative emotions and simply won’t feel as good.

I truly believe that a positive mind and thoughts will make a happier and healthier body. And that our thoughts have a lot of power over how our bodies act and respond.

When I focus on the bad things happening, my thoughts worsen, and I struggle more. I also will notice that “bad things” keep happening. It’s because I am focusing more on the negative things in life. When I switch it around to all the positive things happening around me, I feel like beautiful things are occurring and that there is so much good out there.

* I’m loving the addition to green juice into my day now. This one had spinach, a few blueberries, kale, cucumber, apple cider vinegar, lemon juice, pre brewed kombucha green tea (idea from Kristin), and stevia. Refreshing. I also had this with a side of morning coffee. Hm, that sounds like the worst combination, and it just might be;) *

I have so much  to be thankful for; loving parents, food in my frige, a roof over my head, and many more.  I chose to not focus on the negative because it means I struggle more mentally and physically. I put a smile on my face and know that there are better days out there.

I know that know everyday is not going to be perfect, and I won’t pretend that these negative days don’t exist. For every struggle you overcome you become a stronger person out of it. You live and you learn from your experiences. I believe everything will get better if you believe in the possibility that things will get better.

* Side note: I just bought this creamed coconut. Anyone have any idea on what I should create or make with this? I’m a tad excited about it. *

It is possible for things to turn around and your situation will get better. I take out negative words from my vocabulary, like “I can’t” or “I’ll never be able to…”. Sometimes I slip and these thoughts happen, but the beauty of positive thinking is that we have the power to change these thoughts for the better.

Start seeing the beauty in everyday life. Change a negative thought into a positive one. Shifting these thoughts relax the body (less stress) and change our moods. Your energy increases by imagining and choosing what life would be like healthy, instead of basing that choice on your fear of being unhealthy.

Even the smallest changes you make equal a big step in the future and the successes you will have. The way you perceive yourself is everything.

Do you believe in the power of positive thinking?

Name one positive thing about your life!

Have a happy Tuesday!!

*Also I’ve been getting questions about where I buy my coconut flour, butter, peanut flour, and things like that. I usually make all those purchases of Iherb, since that is the cheapest option for me. You can also get $10 off of your first order using this code: ZIQ384

Or if you click this link, you don’t need to enter the code in at the end of your purchase.

Just thought my readers would like a little deal-io!

{35 Comments }

Are You Eating Enough?

August 28, 2012 by

Good Morning! Happy Tuesday!

Hopefully everyone had a fantastic Monday, mine was pretty low key! I can’t believe we are nearing the end of August, crazy talk! Things are going well this morning, I’ve already got my workout done and over with, so now the day is free.

Recently, I’ve come to a decision that it is essential for me to increase my intake of calories. I think this is something that is really hard for my head to wrap around, as my mind gets filled with a lot of insecurities as I think of this process. However, I know the signs that I am eating too little, and the cold hard truth is that I suffer from a lot of the signs I’ve experienced in the past.

* This may look like an odd combo, but I swear its awesome. For lunch yesterday I had 2 slices of ezekiel bread, with creamy almond butter, an egg, 2 egg whites, and spinach. So tasty. *

It may not be as significant as the warning signs were when I was seriously ill, but they are still there and there are still changes needed to me dealt with if I want to recover from certain problems I’m still suffering with.

A lot of the time people may not even be aware of the fact that they need to increase calories, our bodies want to preverse themselves and hold onto every calorie we feed them. There are many signs we need to be aware of if calorie restriction is a problem.

You may even be at a normal weight and not realize your body is suffering. Calorie restriction can be a problem for any person, and can certainly happen to people even if they aren’t extremely thin. And that is a confusing thing for people to see and accept.

* I still have been loving blended cottage cheese as a snack, this had cottage cheese, stevia, 2% greek yogurt, and coconut flour. *

I don’t believe in low calorie diets. I believe in eating what you are craving, consuming whole, unprocessed foods (for the most part), with some daily indulgences. Moderation is key in our lifestyle, if we want to stay sane;)

There are many consequences of eating too few calories and the one’s that stand out the most for me include:

Unclear thinking. When I’m not listening to my body, and don’t give it the right amount of food, it starts to fight back.

I may wake up in a “mental fog” and not be able to quite shake it for days, I also suffer from headaches and concentrating on daily tasks. Its more difficult to focus on things happening in my life and don’t have the motivation to do things I normally love doing.

* I topped the cottage cheese mixture with fresh strawberries, please berry season don’t leave! *

Food obsession. As much as I love creating recipes, and planning my meals. There comes a point when that is too much. If your thinking about food all day, everyday than I believe that is a problem.

If I find myself thinking about my next meal as soon as I’ve just finished one, its time for me to step back and reevaluate my eating habits, and realize I am clearly not nourishing myself because I am obsessing about food.

If you can only concentrate on food and fitness, there may be a problem with this thinking. You begin to become so interested in food, yet can’t get yourself to eat what your body craves. And you lose interest in things you enjoyed before.

Workout progress declines. When I switch fitness routines, especially increasing strength training I first may notice I’m improving a lot and gaining more strength. When my workouts start to suffer, from not being able to lift as much weight, complete cardio how I’m used to, or start dreading workouts then usually this is a sign I am restricting calories more than usual.

My body can’t keep up with the things I’m demanding it to keep up with, so I will start to lose motivation to even want to workout, or I become more obsessed that I need to workout every single day, no matter how I am feeling. And those things make me feel more anxious.

* My favourite roasted vegetable method is getting a mixture of nutritional yeast, coconut oil, paprika, and a little sprinkle red pepper flakes. Roasted in a 400 degree oven for about 20-25 minutes. Perfect everytime. This was also had with a hidden turkey burger and my favourite marinara that I will share tomorrow. *

Becoming anxious, moody, or emotional. This can be a red flag to me, since I’m normally pretty positive and upbeat. When I’m not eating enough, I can become extremely emotional, crying at almost anything, or I get anxious over very small things.

When I deny myself food, there is a noticeable change in the way I normally act. If you are feeling shaky, emotional, or more anxious these are clear signs that you need more fuel!

Not sleeping. It is almost impossible for me to have a good nights rest if my body is asking for more food. I may not feel hungry, but I won’t be able to sleep well. I will toss and turn all night, won’t be able to fall asleep, or wake up continuously throughout the night.

This is why I chose to eat a large snack before bed, sometimes my night snacks are bigger than my breakfasts. Seriously.

* I’ve been relaxing every night with a cup of tea, thanks to some fabulous suggestions from Meg. Who’s basically the queen of tea. David’s tea is my jam. *

Losing hunger signals. The weird thing about eating a low amount of calories, is that our bodies will adapt to this and not allow us to feel hunger. When I was at my lowest weight, hardly eating anything I never felt hungry, and felt that I could live that way forever.

This is simply our bodies signs its shutting down. Its not a normal thing to never feel hunger, because we need food for energy and to thrive. Extreme hunger may result in nausea or even stomach bloating.

When your body is functioning normally, it will ask for food. Unfortunately there are more serious effects of lowering calories too far. Such as osteopenia, bone loss in general, anemia, and thyroid problems. In return, your metabolism slows to maintain needed energy, because it is stuck in “survival mode” and will only trust you when you simply eat more food.

Other problems like only eating “safe foods”, constant mirror checking, food rituals, becoming influenced in “fad diets”, and obsessively measuring or weighing food and yourself are huge red flags.

[Source]

Everyone’s calorie intake differs, some people function on a lot of calories, other people don’t. If someone is eating a lower calorie diet, don’t feel the need to follow it. Eat what is right for your body, not anyone else’s. Your body will tell you when it is suffering and when it needs more energy.

Sorry for the lengthy post, sheesh I seem to do that a lot! Spiel over for today, I’m sure I’ll have another one soon;)

Have you ever suffered from any of these signs from calorie restriction? Any more you can add to the list.

Do you tend to push you body too far?

Are you able to eat intuitively without relying on these unfortunate side effects?

I hope you all have an amazing day!

{68 Comments }

Stuck in Comfort

July 12, 2012 by

Good morning, loves!

Happy Thursday to you all! Hope your day is treating you lovely!

Yesterday, I let you all in on my attending therapy and today I wanted to discuss questions that have been going on in my mind, I’ve been thinking lots about my progress and where I lie in my recovery. And just how far I have to go in this journey.

Sometimes, I think it would be a great thing if I could go back into my childhood and tell myself certain things I should and should not do in the future. I miss the days where I didn’t worry about my future or pay attention to calories.

 *Overnight egg white buckwheat bowl, with banana, chia seeds, and peanut flour.*

Back in the days where my caloric intake was reminiscent of my childhood menu, I dreamed of going back to the days where I simply lived.

The nutritional deficiencies and low weight that my eating disorder left me with, made me tired all the time, my mind was filled with a fog, basically all feelings left my body. I didn’t know how to feel anything when I started gaining some nutrition again. And I certainly couldn’t cope with all of these emotions.

Now, I’m able to complete things without bursting into tears and feeling overwhelmed with fatigue or exhaustion. I recall walking to school and going to the bathroom to cry because I didn’t know if I would be able to walk home from class, I felt like my lungs may collapse if I took another step. I wasn’t living, I was surviving. 

*It’s sad to think I used to live my days without healthy fats, coconut butter forgive me. You are the best tasting thing ever.*

As I increased my calories, my energy increased, my fatigue diminished, and my weight increased. Obviously. In reality, these are all good things, but as my brain and body started healing, my feelings entered my mind and I had no idea what to do with all these unfamiliar emotions.

Anxiety? Hunger? Panic? What are these things that are entering my mind and body. I felt overwhelmed by everything, which in return made the eating disorder more tempting to go back to.

I wanted to relapse so that these feelings would just go away. How awful is that?! To this day, I can’t say with confidence I have fully recovered. It is simply not true. I am very overwhelmed when I feel things, I still have a hard time realizing how to handle these thoughts and emotions, after blocking them for so long.

*Tea has been comforting me throughout all the thinking I’ve been doing. What’s better than hot, delicious tea?*

I have a very rigid schedule, which Tessa discussed in this post. Her post describes me to a T. I am this person. My “schedule” makes sure I am home at certain times for the sake of my meal and fitness routine.

My flexibility has improved a great deal, but I still suffer from being too comfortable where I am in recovery right now. I am relieved yet frightened thinking that I am comfortable here, that I believe my life can continue where I am in recovery right now.

You know what, it is not okay that I quit my recovery, I can’t stop recovering where I am at this moment.

My motivation to get completely healthy has stalled a bit. I feel the desire to stop my progress right where I am, and keep things as they are. I need to find that determination to get over this bump I’ve hit in my road to health.

 *Roasted broccoli slaw, spaghetti squash, and turkey burger with the best homemade marinara. Recipe to come soon:)*

I know deep down I still have progress to make, but I can’t seem to convince myself over my eating disorder to actually make the changes. My disorder convinces me “I am fine and I don’t need to make any more changes.”

Jenny wrote a brilliant post on the amount of calories it takes to get over this sort of disorder and to completely get the body back to normal function. This hit me like a ton of bricks. This is the truth.

Reality hits me, I am still in physical danger, my body has not fully recovered. I’ve been able to improve my mentality so much. Take a look at how I’ve been able to move past negative thoughts, and put a smile on no matter what.

(Source)
*It’s time to be honest more with my readers. It will help me, and hopefully some of you as well!*

The truth is my body still needs to recover. I hold on to many rituals of my eating disorder, I count calories, measure food, don’t enjoy treats on any occasions, and have an obsession with “eating clean”. I also don’t menstruate. This is probably the most problematic.

It’s not normal to eat clean 100% of time time. So how come I can write this out and see I need to make a change, yet I can’t convine myself that this comfortable place is dangerous.

I know I will come out of this. I need to take control over my life and live my life to the fullest. I also would like to echo Katie’s inspiring post she wrote on saying sorry to her body.

When does comfort get too extreme that you need to change?
What do you use as motivation to make a change?

{54 Comments }

Asking for help

June 11, 2012 by

Good Morning beauties! Happy Monday to you all!

How was everyone’s weekend?

My day hasn’t started out too marvellous yet, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be a marvellous day over here! The day has just begun.

I kicked off my morning with some overnight oat bran. The tutorial should be up either tomorrow or Thursday! For all of those who were wondering.

*Breakfasts have been mostly the same ol’ overnight pumpkin oat bran, I do try and switch up the add-ins every now and again ;) Or maybe mix it up with some pancakes or granola*

I mentioned last week about a decision I’ve made. First off, I decided at some time last week that I am tired of living with an eating disorder. I mean I’ve known this for a long time, but its about time I make changes and not just talk about wanting to change. This post may not sound marvellous, but I believe it is. I have decided to make the changes that I need in order to get my life back for the better; instead of sitting back and wishing for changes to happen. I’m not going to recover full by sitting back waiting for someone else to change for me.

*Caffeine crazedddd addict! With a side view of my kabocha stock. Yes, I’m obsessed with it. And I have no plans on getting over that obsession any time soon.*

We have an outpatient eating disorder clinic where I live, and I did attend it when I was at my sickest three years ago. However, I have still been struggling emotionally and physically with some things that have been going on. Just because I am not at a very low weight does not mean I don’t deserve help or that I don’t need help.

As much as I’d like to believe I can recover on my own, it has been nearly impossible with no outside help in the past year. Instead of sticking it out and not pursuing change, I decided to make a call to the clinic and see someone. I need to realize its okay to ask for help from other people.

I live in my head a lot and contemplate with so many different thing, by doing this I am giving up my power to recover and not moving forward in this stage. I can honestly get lost in my mind, I feel that it get can filled with some intense, crazy thoughts that make me emotionally and mentally exhausted.

*I’ve been obsessed with roasting my veggies in a combo of coconut oil, hummus, nutritional yeast, and a little cashew butter. SO good. This is a bowl of baked cauliflower, zucchini, kale, spinach, and tempeh*

It has taken a lot of convincing to take this next step. I kept thinking I am simply “not sick enough” for treatment. Who can really define that though? And is this my ED trying to convince me I am not sick enough to get help. Even when I was at my worst I didn’t want to recover. I was being stubborn and didn’t think I was sick enough.

By talking to the people I love and who care about me, it has given me a new perspective on my health and life. It’s given my the strength to listen to my body, my mind, and giving part of my “control” away to someone else. I have been in denial that there is a problem that I need to fix. I was unwilling to make strides because I truly felt that I was not worth full recovery and that I did not need it.

I’m also afraid; truly afraid to live without this disease. What the heck will I be thinking if I’m not totally focused on my weight and exercise? Will this mean I just will no longer care about my health? I think that I will just get lazy and fat. This is the problem in my mind, that I think in extremes.

*For snacks I’ve been enjoying a combo of different things that are most likely topped with a cookie dough balls or just straight up almond or cashew butter. I can’t get enough of the fats lately!*

Even though I’m not at the lowest weight I’ve been at, in fact I’ve gained 20 pounds. I feel I am suffering more emotionally and mentally. I stress a lot everyday and its simply not healthy. It is important that I recover now, while I have no distractions in my life.

I am very fortunate my parents are willing to help me while I fully recover from my disorder. I’m going to appreciate my life and having the ability and resources to recover. I am so thankful and blessed to have my family helping me through this process.

I’ll make sure to update you all on how this process is going, because I want to be as open as I possibly can going through all of this.

Props if you made it through this lengthy post! I’m off to make the most of my Monday!!

Have you ever struggled asking for help from others?

xox,
Lisa

{68 Comments }

Goals and adjusting exercise

June 5, 2012 by

Bonjour beauties! Happy Tuesday!

Hoping your Monday was super fab.

One of my favourite bloggers, Jenny, who’s blog I’ve been reading…I’m pretty sure since she started her blog, has come up with an awesome idea, Going for the Goal. Jenny is incredibly motivating and an inspirational blogger, whom I adore. I love that there is a community here that can relate and help each other succeed in accomplishing our goals and life dreams.

I always have a list of things I want to accomplish, but never express them to anyone and don’t make the steps I need to make to ensure these goals get completed. I want to be accountable for goals I create for myself. So here I go.

This month I’d love to reevaluate my relationship with exercise (I will explain in more detail below), create new recipes for the blog, and even make other people’s recipes and share the one’s I enjoy. I want to keep challenging myself in making progress with my eating disorder, and to get out of my comfort zone.

My goal for this year is to figure out my future a bit more, I either want to take a personal training certification course, or a nutrition course, I know I want to help people in either one of these areas, I just haven’t decided 100% which one. I also would like to make progress in creating new friendships with people and expand my social circle. And of course the biggest goal for the year will be to finally kick this ED to the curb. Live a life free without it, and in general live life to the fullest.

*carrot cake granola with greek yogurt and topped with lots of blueberries after*

Now for more detail on adjusting my exercise plans…

The past few weeks have gone by and I haven’t quite felt like myself. I mean I wake up everyday and instantly feel like my mind is clouded and I can’t 100% apply myself to daily activities. I felt like I was mentally clouded, like I  had no clarity in my brain. You know that feeling when you are lethargic, tired, and just a generalyl feeling “off”.

When I remember days in my past, I can barely recall how I even lived at the worst of my eating disorder, because everyday I woke up feeling this way. These feelings get me frustrated, I mean I eat a normal intake, I exercise, I have gained weight, so why do I feel this way almost constantly.

Once I eat something, I do feel a tad better, but about an hour or so after, it seems my blood sugar plummets, and I get back to feeling “foggy” and unclear. After years of not listening to my body, I have a hard time at understanding what it needs to heal properly.

*smoothie with banana, 1/2 avocado, 1 tablespoon chocolate protein powder + coconut flour, pinch of xanthan + guar gum*

I feel that since I have a hard time listening to it, these symptoms are shouting to my body that something is still not right. I decided a while ago to up my intake. And shocker, nothing changed, no weight increase, but also my symptoms stayed the same, so what else needs to change?

I want to live my life to the fullest, I don’t want to live a life sort-of recovered, or living a life of a functioning anorexic. That would entail just floating through life, and not giving any purpose to the world. I need to remember this disorder is lying to me to protect itself.

Anyways, after upping my intake and still having these symptoms, I needed to take a step back and realize what else needs to change, and that is to give my body rest. I have become so accustomed to exercising everyday. This is not a bad thing, but for me I was doing it in an unhealthy way, I am viewing exercise as a way to burn calories and not to benefit my body.

*overnight voluminous oats with chia seeds, hemp seeds, pumpkin, and topped with a peanut flour ball*

I strive to be able to live when I was in elementary school. I was free, unconsumed by thoughts of calories and weight. I wasn’t afraid to look silly, I lived every moment to the fullest. I was such a happy, carefree girl and I want to be content with myself.

I decided I need to take a full week off exercise and give my mind a bit of a reset. Its essential that I realize I do not need exercise to thrive in life and to live. I am very anxious in this decision. It has been 4 days now, and I’m already getting antsy, but I can feel my symptoms subsiding a little bit. I know plenty of other people have had success in decreasing their exercise intensity, so I am hoping it will do the same for me.

Sorry this was super long, props to you if you made it through!

What are your goals this month? Or do you not usually set any?

Enjoy the day!

xox,
Lisa

Of Interest:
This article on over-exercise. This was an eye opener for me!

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Fear Foods

May 24, 2012 by

Happy Thursday sweets!! How is your day going?

Today is one of those days where I have lots of thoughts on my mind. I’m also feeling very positive about things, which is clearly a great feeling! I love starting my day on a positive note.

Recently, I have been thinking lots about my food fears and how to change how I feel about them and also how to overcome some of those fears.

I’ve been trying to rediscover my love for certain foods. During my eating disorder I avoided a lot of foods. I lived in fear of certain foods because of the ingredients, or the way they were processed, or from even reading certain articles that distorted my love for certain food items.

*protein cookie dough ball. I melted 1 teaspoon coconut oil and mixed in 2 tablespoons peanut flour, a little stevia, vanilla extract, sea salt, and a few drops of almond milk until it was combined, and then I placed it in the fridge for about an hour before eating. It’s great topped over oatmeal :) *

I have been living thinking that my fear foods are really just preferences. I have reasons why I don’t like these foods or why I can’t eat them. You know, my belief that I am lactose intolerant, or things of that nature. Yah, that’s not true. In all honesty, I feared these foods so much that I created these allergies/intolerances, instead of just admitting I was afraid of their calorie or fat content.

However, my eating disorder did change my tastes, it changed the way I ate and continue to eat.I no longer crave and want to eat food that I used to eat on a daily basis. The eating disorder has definitely altered my taste buds.

This makes it difficult when I’m deciding if I’m avoiding foods because I personally dislike them or because they are a fear food. It’s hard to determine what I actually like after I have made it clear in my head that I don’t like certain foods. I know I’d rather eat a huge bowl of roasted veggies then a tiny bowl of french fries for the same amount of calories. That’s just my preference.

*salad with baked spinach, broccoli, cauliflower, asparagus, and turkey burger pumped up with melted coconut oil stirred together with hummus and nutritional yeast*

Some foods I truly don’t have any desire in trying to eat again and don’t see the point in eating them, but is this a wrong decision in recovery? It is very confusing to me. I am happy that I truly love healthy foods, but dislike that I don’t know which unhealthy foods I do enjoy.

I believe that when I first lost weight that it was the best for my body, it brought on so many positive changes in my life, but I sometimes wonder if it took away my love for enjoying foods.

The best way to truly recover is to face your fears, so I have reintroduced some former fears to see what the verdict would be. Go out and pick out that fear food and try it. Eat it, enjoy every bite. Don’t put negative connotations on the food you are eating. It will be scary, it may not feel enjoyable, and you will feel anxious, but this means you are taking the right steps.

You are stepping out of the comfort zone and challenging those negative beliefs. The more you challenge yourself, the easier it becomes. The voice will get smaller and easier to deal with each time. As woman, we are mostly told to light up dishes.

*new pumpkin protein cookie dough recipe to come*

Start viewing food in a positive light. I used to think that there was too much fat in nut butters. Um, no. Of course there is fat in nuts, but it is good, healthy fats. Fat is good for the body. The fat from nut butter contains protein, and a whole bunch of vitamins and nutrients.

When I eat these foods I no longer think that they are making me fat. While chowing down on the peanut butter I’m thinking that these healthy fats will allow me to absorb those fat soluble vitamins, and help immensely in improving my skin, nails, and hair.

This change in mindset does not happen simply, it takes time, effort, and continuously repeating these actions until the anxiety has dispersed. I am still struggling with some fear foods, but I know what I need to change and what I need to do to get over these fears.

How have you overcome fear foods?
Do you still have any foods you avoid?

Hope the rest of your day is splendid! Enjoy it!

xox,
Lisa

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