While on my morning walk this morning, I contemplated what I’d be eating for lunch. Do I want this meal or that meal? How many calories should I eat for lunch? What fats? Proteins? Which carbs do I want in todays lunch?
I have to admit, a lot of my mood dictates from how meals turn out. Which makes me resort to the same meals over again. When I enjoy a meal or snack I feel like I am in a better mood, which also means the opposite is true when I don’t enjoy a meal. I will not finish it and become a tad moody, and that’s just not fun.
Enjoyment of my meals also means that I look for that “perfect” combination of carbs/proteins/fats. If I feel a meal is completely balanced, my mood increases and the day reflects this. I feel relieved and less anxious throughout the day.
Who can even dictate what a perfect meal is anyways? Everybody is different, and we all have different calorie needs. It’s just a fact of life that every body is completely different from another.
Another problem lies in the fact that I spend far too much time planning and thinking about my next meals and snacks. I am consumed by too many thoughts about creating my next “perfect” meal. This puts my body under more stress and anxiety. It gives comfort to the eating disorder, but not to me. I am left feeling panicked and anxious when I don’t have control over my meals anymore. My food now controls me and becomes an unhealthy obsession.
This to me, is disordered eating. When food controls your mood, routine, behaviours, and thoughts, it’s an unhealthy relationship with food and results in a problem. So, how do we stop ourselves from putting so much emphasis on our eating routines?
I find that by putting more of my involvement into my recovery and digging into deep dissolved issues I have experienced, I am able to better manage my emotions. By engaging myself with more varied recipes and “forbidden” foods, I think this could help lessen my obsession with eating clean all of the time. I am more able to choose what I want to be eating, not what I “should” be eating.
Do you allow food to dictate how you feel throughout the day? Would you consider this disordered eating?
Are you good with balancing healthy foods with indulgent foods?